Today was tough, though Thursday 2 weeks ago was tougher. I got a phone call, the phone call. The one I had been waiting for, my partner (as in I am a lesbian) hitting bottom and finally asking for help.
It was shortly after 1pm when she called. I could tell she had been drinking, all I knew was I had to get home.
The drive from Portland to the burbs took about an hour. She didn’t answer after multiple tries. I know what that means. I know it means she’s passed out. I know it means when I get home, I’ll find her in our bed.
The left out cigarettes on the kitchen island were my second (millionth) clue that things were not good, as she is usually careful to hide them. I wasn’t surprised when I opened the door, passed out,sheets removed from the bed.
I shake her.
I yell her name.
I shake her again.
I check her pupils.
Thank you God.
Just keep breathing love, please don’t stop breathing.
Paramedics are here, ok. Ok. Things will be ok.
No narcotics, ‘just’ drunk.
Over 5 minutes they try…she’s still not responding.
Call her parents, check.
Call work, check.
She’s mumbling, that’s good. That’s good.
3 days Detox.
2 weeks of sitting in a cubicle outside my office door.
Doing everything together. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
Today we got in the car and drove 2.5 hours. Where she will spend the next 22 days in rehab. Where I will go every weekend for a family program. Where hope will has been planted. Where the beginning has begun. Where strength can be found. Where healing can take place.
I am sad tonight. Lonely in our brand new custom home. Lonely in our king sized bed. Lonely, missing my girl.
Missing my girl I fell in love with.
I know I have been missing her for a long time.
We’ve already talked twice. She sounds good. She sounds, relieved. She sounds, hopeful.
So as I get ready for sleep to come and take me away, I will hold on to the hope I heard in her voice, and the flicker I felt in my heart.
Day 1 of Forever.