Day 3 of Forever

Woke up this morning to Ben Harper’s ‘She’s only happy in the sun’, a song that has always made me smile…as I am a sun lover…I guess this morning I actually listened.
It’s depressing, took me to a dark place, called my life a few weeks ago.
Take out the word ‘sun’ and insert with any addiction.
I kinda fancy myself as a smart gal…never once did I put that together…denial, people, denial.
As the song finishes, cue phone ringing; it is my love.
She made it through her first night in residential (the first night was mandatory detox observation). Her bed she described as ‘crunchy’. Her roommate a meth addict, who is feeling less than because she isn’t addicted to alcohol or pills, like everyone else there. She’s feeling like the ghetto addict.
Sad.
Just, sad.
She is just as deserving as anyone else to be free of her disease.
On another rehab update, my love will be the only les there after today, she’ll represent.
Her counselor wants me to come down for a special session on Friday, outside the family program…what does this mean????
I’m telling myself it doesn’t mean that we are a total train wreck…just a minor fender bender, right? Think good thoughts Melanie.
I am sleeping like crap. Rephrase, I am not sleeping. What is that about?
I told her this morning my fear…months ago, she made reference to going to rehab. In the same breath said, and if I do I am not coming back. Oh how that has been sitting in my heart. I told her I had to get to this point where her health meant more than anything, our relationship. Perhaps that was my bottom.
We talked a good while about it. Do I feel better, maybe.
And I’ll take that for today.

Day 3 of Forever

– Melanie

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