Day 801 of Forever

Can you believe it’s been 801 days? 801 long days. 801 days of happiness, sadness, anger.

I’m hurting today.

I’m wondering what the fuck I am doing.

Ok, there – I got that out.

Happy Easter…at least it was until I found myself in another conversation about being in a sexless marriage.

Yes, we are married – celebrated two years. We are close. We are each other’s other. She is my first and last thought, most days. I love my wife. I adore my wife. I am proud of my wife.

However, we don’t have sex. Ever. Like, once on my birthday 3 months ago, and before that – nothing for almost a year – just days shy. And before that, just a couple times.

You’re probably asking yourself why? Why am I still in it?

Well you see. My wife is the love of my life. And, I know I am the love of hers. But you see, she had another lover for so long, that did her so wrong…that now – well, she’s burned. She doesn’t know how to let me in. Her lover was vodka. And today, I want to make love to my wife…but that fucking vodka…while I will never wish her return to those dark days…today just feels like I traded one for the other.

lets make it until tomorrow, shall we?